Call Center Telefunny!

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is
being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree.

Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

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A real Bad Hair Day!

There is this good old barber in some city in the US.
One day a florist goes to him for a haircut.
After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:

"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service."

The florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
The following day, a policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies:

"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service."

The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.
On the third day, a Filipino software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies:

"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service."

The Filipino software engineer is happy and leaves.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there...

....a dozen Filipinos waiting for a free haircut! . . .

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Childbirth

Should children witness childbirth? Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.

The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.

Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......smack his ass again!"

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Good Questions--Bad Answers

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come means you are in big trouble.

Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?

A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at night.

Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?

A: Because they are tired of using their own.

Q: What's common between men and video?

A: Both go backward... forward... backward... forward... backward.... forward... stop and eject.

Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?

A: A teabag.

7 qualities to be a perfect wife:

Beautiful,

Responsible

Energetic

Adorable

Sweet

Truthful and

Self-Organized.

In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S

Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?

A: Both keep searching for new HOLES.

Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?

A: When the baby looks like his dad, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbour, then it is sociology.

Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?

Lady: Doctor, I thought you had said 3 males a day.

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Little Zachary

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything... Tutors, Mentors, flash cards,Special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother Hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.

To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. "Well, then," she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? "WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?"

Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

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Praying hard together

And you think you're the only one who can pray that hard? pets can be religious too, especially for a new dog food at stake.

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Nine Months Later

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up in Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

To read the full article, CLICK HERE...

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Do you Speak English?

"To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what tenjewberrymuds means by the end of the conversation.”
________________________________

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:

Room Service (RS): "Morrin.; Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

To read the full article, CLICK HERE...

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"I now pronounce you, nuts and bolts"

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "In-laws."

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"...

to read the full article CLICK HERE

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The Smart Student

A Primary School teacher was having trouble with one of her students.The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the Primary 1. My sister is in Primary 3 and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in Primary 3 too!"

The teacher took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal that the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the Primary 1, and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in. The conditions were explained, and Harry agreed to take the test...
To read the entire article CLICK HERE

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"Four Worms"

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil...

To view the entire article CLICK HERE

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Just Funny

Ramankutty Nair, a middle aged Indian immigrant in Dallas, Texas bought a brand new convertible Porsche.

He took off down the road and pushed it up to 160 MPH and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair.

"This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. But when he eventually looked in his rear-view mirror there was a Ford Crown Victoria Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing.

"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 mph to escape being stopped...

To read the entire article CLICK HERE

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scariest ghost ever caught on camera

this shot was taken by the security camera in London at first the management wouldn't believe it look closer and you will see

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