How to Handle a Husband

A couple were celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.

People would say, 'What a peaceful & loving couple.'

The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

The husband replied: 'Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America,' explained the man.

'We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon,by horse.

We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, 'That's once.'

'We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'

'We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I SHOUTED at her, 'What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? Are you friggin crazy!?

She looked at ME, and quietly said, 'That's once.'

'And from that moment.....we have lived happily ever after.'

Be Strong Honey

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.

"if he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you . Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him that it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you too !!!"

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